Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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