Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
