Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
