Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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