at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
