Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
