She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
