Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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