So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
