Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
