At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
