Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize