How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
