I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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