it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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