people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
