just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
