So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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