i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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