Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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