I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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