I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
