There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
