Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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