Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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