My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
