You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
