Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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