You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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