Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
