Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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