I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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