I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
