Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
