how can u be prego again
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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