Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
