They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
