I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are all done wearing pants today
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
