I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
