covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
