I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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