she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
