I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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