i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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