she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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