I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
