the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
