My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
