I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
