You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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