I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
