I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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