we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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