i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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