ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
