I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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