Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize