I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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