You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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