Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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