I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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