Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
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to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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