I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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