she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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