i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
