I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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