Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
