There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
