Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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