Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize