I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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