JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
