Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
