I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
