I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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