whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
